Poet Progressing to Prose

Tag Archive: routine

Unhappy v Not Happy

Searched for an image to best express my feelings this morning.

Started with ‘not happy’ and was confronted with a plethora of platitudinous crap floating among images of anger. For that is where the attitude of ‘not happy’ comes from – unresolved anger. Resolve my anger? I would not know where to start.

I accept one can change an attitude by a change of thinking – I grew up with Pollyanna – put a smile on your face and find the silver lining. Did that until it became a habit which masked unhappiness.

‘Unhappy’ is not an attitude, but an intermittent but persistent mood. One of the facets which reflect an inner feeling. After all, “laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.” I have been in that laughing space and the most memorable thing about it is that I cannot remember what triggered the laughter, with whom, when or where. I just know that I laughed until it hurt. But I cry alone.

But that is not the reason I decided to create a new post today. Someone elsewhere expressed concern that I had not posted in here for some days, worried for my welfare. I live alone and, like many older persons, am aware of the possibility of being found dead.

So here I am, reassuring at least one reader that I am alive and reasonably well. I have been going to the gym for an upper body workout followed by time in the pool – hydrotherapy exercises and a swim – coming out when I crinkle or cramp.

The gym is now open; time to dress, breakfast and take a leisurely stroll.

Dragged out of Bed

kick-n-screamKicking and screaming – metaphorically of course as there is no-one here to take any notice. This new habit forming lark goes quite against the grain. Opened blind, turned this laptop on, kettle, bathroom, empty dishwasher, refill coffee and sugar containers then sit down and search for an image to describe my feeling. And in the doing so, calmed down. Sister Serendipity must be busy as the image comes from http://securestart.com.au/tantrums-and-meltdowns-part-one/ which, for those familiar with Adelaide will realise is quite close to home. Almost as good as a visit.

Today will have me return library books, including The Upright Thinker.  Am wondering what it is about the Jewish culture or faith which produces so many brilliant thinkers. Could it be their minds are not occupied with the concept of an after-life? That they are tuned to dealing with reality? They have well-established rituals for dealing with the important events in a life? I don’t know. Just a notion.

Also off to the doctors again.  What started out as a visit to have her complete my Driving Licence Renewal form (now I am over 70 with existing conditions) turned into some testing which shows me short of iron. Given the pack of little poo pick up sticks – and back this morning for the result. She says if it shows blood she will send me off for a colonoscopy. She can think again! About time I gave more thought to filling out the Advanced Care Directives Form.

Well, that’s me out of bed and writing – even if only blogging – as good as talking to myself? Now I know how to calm down the racing thoughts which held me in bed. First time I have ever admitted to ‘racing thoughts’. Perhaps the paths along bipolar may have been different had I realised how to label some things. Also understand that looking at pictures is calming. Produces thought of creating a slideshow of of zen-type images? To music? Why not meditate before I even start the day? I know why. I would be SO relaxed nothing else would get done and above all, I am a do-er.

If you have the kind of patient curiosity which has got you this far into this post all I can say is – have a great day!

(Back tomorrow?) Will see how the habit sticks. I may even get to do some work on the novel.