Poet Progressing to Prose

Mental Health

Who is Doing the Rethinking? (ME)

colon-readyWell, not quite ready yet. Told my doctor that I had stated in here that I would tell her to think again. She accepted that and then allowed me the silence to think again myself as she wrote up some notes.  Including a prescription for iron tablets which was not needed when I went to the chemist; also picking up a new COPD puffer stuff.  Smart lady, my doctor. and I get a hug on leaving.

Am not going to linger here as I have a book which has kept me awake until after two this morning – and I have a meeting at the Writer’s Centre this morning – the one I had the dream about a couple of days ago. Settling back now for first coffee. And better check blood pressure. I bet underlying anxiety is going to have it through the roof. What are the symbols ???***!!! for BUGGER.

Dragged out of Bed

kick-n-screamKicking and screaming – metaphorically of course as there is no-one here to take any notice. This new habit forming lark goes quite against the grain. Opened blind, turned this laptop on, kettle, bathroom, empty dishwasher, refill coffee and sugar containers then sit down and search for an image to describe my feeling. And in the doing so, calmed down. Sister Serendipity must be busy as the image comes from http://securestart.com.au/tantrums-and-meltdowns-part-one/ which, for those familiar with Adelaide will realise is quite close to home. Almost as good as a visit.

Today will have me return library books, including The Upright Thinker.  Am wondering what it is about the Jewish culture or faith which produces so many brilliant thinkers. Could it be their minds are not occupied with the concept of an after-life? That they are tuned to dealing with reality? They have well-established rituals for dealing with the important events in a life? I don’t know. Just a notion.

Also off to the doctors again.  What started out as a visit to have her complete my Driving Licence Renewal form (now I am over 70 with existing conditions) turned into some testing which shows me short of iron. Given the pack of little poo pick up sticks – and back this morning for the result. She says if it shows blood she will send me off for a colonoscopy. She can think again! About time I gave more thought to filling out the Advanced Care Directives Form.

Well, that’s me out of bed and writing – even if only blogging – as good as talking to myself? Now I know how to calm down the racing thoughts which held me in bed. First time I have ever admitted to ‘racing thoughts’. Perhaps the paths along bipolar may have been different had I realised how to label some things. Also understand that looking at pictures is calming. Produces thought of creating a slideshow of of zen-type images? To music? Why not meditate before I even start the day? I know why. I would be SO relaxed nothing else would get done and above all, I am a do-er.

If you have the kind of patient curiosity which has got you this far into this post all I can say is – have a great day!

(Back tomorrow?) Will see how the habit sticks. I may even get to do some work on the novel.


Dream: President elect

Judge not on what is SAID, but on what is DONE.

Woke this morning having had a conversation with in a dream with Donald Trump. I “told” him we have much in common. He raised his eyebrows. then I mentioned the IQ# told me by a friend who had a friend at the hospital where my IQ was tested. What we could have in common is that we are both considered to be mad by many people OR (and?) brilliant?

Fact is,  people are persuaded by EMOTION, not argument however rational the discussion.  What he has done in unleashing emotion in all is to show the world the depths of hate from within to those purporting to be ‘left’ ‘liberals’.

I am not upset or disgusted by this election. It brought to mind the performance of an earlier Acting Chairman of SANTOS. Alex Carmichael earned a reputation of getting things done after throwing a fruity/fruities at management meetings. Also reminded of how an american owned firm in Adelaide was (back in the 80’s) required by their Head Office to sack one third of their staff every three months. First tranche got rid of the dead wood, the second cleaned it up but the third time round had the Adelaide manager nervous about his job unless he unfairly sacked many.

Rationality is the product of coming to terms with the outcome of emotional actions.

So far, we are not yet able to judge Donald Trump without a full awareness of the differences between what he says and what he does. A panelist on last night’s Q&A supports him, citing his real bebaviour in appointing women to high office within his organisation/s.

What I really want to know is “What will Malcolm do” if Trump decides those interned on Manus and Nauru are too damaged for the US Health system to cope with. I really hope that Trump forces Malcolm to do what should have been done in the first place – bring them on-shore, process them here and let them get on with a future.

From the Guardian


Losing Face, but Saving Sanity.

nanoHad forgotten why, but now know this is not for me. Those who advise on writing these days are unanimous in telling that the first draft is rubbish, to switch off the inner editor and just get the words down. Edit later.

This goes so much against the grain for me. I recall admiring the work process described and read back in the days when all manuscripts were type-written, using carbon paper to make copies and that a clean page was one without typing error. In other words, pre-Tippex.

I wish I could recall the name as clearly as his description of his work process at the keyboard. He worked on each page until it was perfect, knew what he had next to type and when the last page was typed the book was finished and ready for his publisher. He then moved onto the next one. It is a mode I attempt to emulate and one which does not sit well with casting words assessed by quantity. My attempt to do this at a rate which would at least give me a chance to meet a target had me sick to the stomach. Just as I did not go to University to be sick (having to regurgitate undergraduate material). nor am I going to stress out over backing away from the Nano challenge.

However, I realise it is not too late to learn to play. There is no way I would let the ‘child’ within loose on the planned plot. BUT there is now a ‘sandpit’ of another Scrivener outline on my second screen and I am preparing to give a Murder Mystery a go. Back to bed with another cup of coffee while I decide who is to be murdered and how. Any suggestions?

A Matter of Mood

me-and-my-ever-changing-moods-red-gold-20121 http://www.dirkjanssens.eu

Is the name of the artist I can thank for creating this image. I would so like to be able to hang on a wall! But, to date I have no pictures hung and were I to start (with landlord’s agent’s blessing) where would I stop?
Good night’s sleep. Woke full of beans bursting to be doing something. Constructive.


Instead I turned on the television to watch “Insiders”.

Back to blah!

I could go for a walk and maybe do a bit of shopping? But is is now raining. Cold. Best idea would be back to bed with a good book.

How goes this Sunday for you?

(I have got as far as loading my WIP onto the small laptop with a view of sitting out on my patio and working if and when the sun shines?) Hmm. Something has popped my optimistic bubble. Keep forgetting that the price I pay for happy moments are equally balanced by the opposite. Given my life’s history I admit I am now too afraid of swinging to an extreme. Where I am at now is COMFORTABLE.  Not rich, but managing. Lots of stuff I could be doing – have mending basket, knitting and crochet needles and several good books. Tom Holt’s works elicit laughter and, as long as I don’t worry where his head was at when writing, I can chortle. So I am off to read. Some thought given to runners out there – wet and cold but living in the moment.

Have a great day.

Blast from the Past

Searching Google Images with a view to working on Smashword covers, several of which need replacing and I came across this


In 1963, this was St Lawrence’s, Bodmin. The first place within which I found asylum after what turned out to be a totally inadequate suicide attempt. Also the first creative writing experience since childhood. I had an idea I wanted to put down on paper and the psychiatrist gave me permission to stay up and out of bed for as long as it took. Believe me, that did not go down well with the night nurse. One of those pieces of writing which others said gave them goosebumps; which somewhere along the way I lost the copy. The underlying message read by the psychiatrist the next morning was given the choice of an easy way (asking for help) or my own way (finding my own way on my own) I would choose the latter. So that was my ticket to discharge.

Trying to recall which hospital it was in which I conducted a social experiential. Every morning the toast for breakfast was cold and hard as a rock. I asked for permission to use the toaster for a fresh, warm slice of toast. OH No. What would happen if EVERYONE wanted to do that? Persisted as never in the history of the human race has everyone ever agreed to do the same thing at the same time (was a good scene for sci-fi story read long ago). Upshot, first morning, yes, a rush for the toaster. Second morning and each thereafter, only two of us cared enough how we like our toast to make the effort.

I don’t know what I am trying to say in here. Just waffling? The Crows have lost tonight’s game. It is Saturday night. It has been raining … again. I have been all day getting a new/replacement virus checker program up and working.